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God’s Deafening Silence

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When I was much younger I heard stories about the 30 day nights that parts of Alaska experience each year.  I couldn’t in my wildest dreams fathom how a person could withstand 30 days of cold and darkness, even knowing that the darkness was temporary and that soon the morning sun would be seen again.  Now I know all too well what long periods of still darkness feel like and it is no less easy to cope with. All believers have been there-the periods of your faith journey when God seems to take a hiatus from leading us and leaves us to our own vices.  We may cry out to God in despair-we may dig deeper into The Word-we may fast, light candles, rise boldly with harsh words, fall on our face in submissive humility, and still nothing.  We knock with no answer, we seek but don’t find, we ask but are left with no answers.  The long periods of God’s extended Winter silence is cold and deafening.

When Mother Teresa passed on to her reward she left behind some letters that she had written in her 50 years of service.  Who among us could boast to have the heart of God that she spent her life displaying. One might believe that for someone to accomplish what she did in her life of service to the poor and needy that God must have been an ever present guide and companion. But her letters surprisingly reveal quite the opposite.  Listen to her heartfelt despair in some of her letters; “I am told God lives in me — and yet the reality of darkness and coldness and emptiness is so great that nothing touches my soul,” . And another, “I want God with all the power of my soul — and yet between us there is terrible separation.” And again,  “I feel just that terrible pain of loss, of God not wanting me, of God not being God, of God not really existing.” And finally, “Jesus has a very special love for you. As for me, the silence and emptiness is so great that I look and do not see, listen and do not hear. The tongue moves but does not speak.” The are the words spoken by one of God’s true saints.  At no time in her journey does she ever confess a true disbelief in God, but in the silence she wrestled with the knowledge of His existence and involvement in her life against the tangible evidence that indicated otherwise.

As I read the Psalms I can hear in David’s voice his own personal agony as he sought God in his most desperate of times only to hear the sound of silence.  Does this sound like you?

“Why standest thou afar off, O LORD? why hidest thou thyself in times of trouble?” “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? why art thou so far from helping me, and from the words of my roaring?” “I will say unto God my rock, Why hast thou forgotten me? why go I mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?” “Awake, why sleepest thou, O Lord? arise, cast us not off for ever”. “LORD, why castest thou off my soul? why hidest thou thy face from me?” And even Jesus, as He hung on the cross cried out to His Father, “why have you forsaken me?”

There is no recording in scripture of God answering even His own Son.  Are we to demand more than He gave His own Son? these times in our lives are the most trying, the most painful, the most difficult times of our journey.  And it seems like the times that are the darkest are the times when God seems to be the most distant. So how do we cope.  How do we tone down the deafness of God’s silence when we can’t sense, find or hear Him?  Don’t believe for a second that I have this figured out as I have been seeking God’s voice over a situation for many years with no clear response.  Yet as a long time believer these are the things I try to rely on to get through each dark day.  First, I have to disconnect my heart from my mind.  We all want to “feel” our faith, but most times we have to choose to recall and believe God’s Word and the promises He left for us.  Hebrews says that faith is believing in things not seen-I might add things not felt or heard as well.  We have to go by our knowledge that God can’t go back on His promise to love us, to guide us and to work all things out for our good, even when we can’t see Him doing so.  Second, I have to learn how to navigate the darkness.  Those who are blind and live by themselves learn how to navigate their dwellings by recalling where objects are and assuming they remain unmoved.  I can’t always see god but I know He’s there because He’s always been there before and I must navigate under the belief that I am not alone and that God has not been moved.  Lastly, and perhaps the most difficult, even though I can’t hear His voice, I must continue to communicate with Him in prayer. It may seem like more of a monologue than a dialogue, but through prayer the line of communication remains open and things are brought to mind that compel us to keep moving forward on our journey.  Once we stop communing with God, the darkness will overcome us and leave us vulnerable and defenseless to enemy attacks.

How I wish God taught us things using any method but silence.  To those like me it is the most excruciating experience imaginable.  Earnestly seeking God but not finding Him where we think He should be leaves us feeling much the same as it must have Mother Teresa.  But even when we can’t hear Him, we know He hears us. I exhort you today to keep fighting, keep believing, keep studying and keep praying to a sovereign God Who has already displayed His love for us in ways that requires no further response.

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Why God Why?

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Why now?  Why her?  Why me?  Why this?  It may be the biggest three letter word in our vocabulary-why.  It is often time the hardest question and most assuredly the least answered-a question that even the most mature and devout of Christian believers struggle with-Why God.

We’ve all been subjected to the inquisitive minds of children as they ask about the whys of the universe, where babies come from, why the sky is blue, with each explanation followed by yet another why.  We find these times amusing when we look back on them.  But as life progresses and children become adults baptized into a world of sin and chaos, the whys become more urgent, less amusing and with fewer answers. When we take into account the state of the human condition and add to it the tragic recent events from around the world, we may all find ourselves asking these heart breaking whys:

Why does my child have cancer?

Why can’t I find employment?

Why did my loved one have to die in that crash?

Why are innocent children the first casualties of war?

Why are Christians being tortured and martyred in this day and age?

Why won’t my kids serve the Lord after years of praying for them?

Why did my spouse leave me?

Why didn’t you heal them?

Why God won’t you respond to me-why so silent?

Why do bad things happen to Godly people?

These whys are painful. These whys are real. And these whys rarely receive a response.  They come from our deepest and darkest moments, our raw and naked emotions, and they test the very fibers of our belief and faith. Many have walked away from their faith in God because they could not find answers or accept silence as their only answer.

There was a man named Job in the Bible, a man described as the most God fearing man of his day-“none like him in all the earth” it says.  But in a matter of hours, Job lost his possessions, his children and his health for no given reason. He had some serious whys for God. Joseph was thrown into prison for years for a crime he didn’t commit with no communication from God. Paul and Silas were chained in a dark dungeon like jail, beaten and tortured for being obedient in preaching the good news about Christ. I’m sure deep inside they may have had a few whys. Even our Savior, while hanging on the cross in our place, feeling the unfathomable pain from the beatings and the nails, rendered to His father an unanswered…Why!

How I wish I could submit a reasonable explanation as to why God allows such suffering seemingly without cause. How I wish I could comfort friends or family who are going through difficult times with words that make sense or scripture that makes it all clear.

The Psalmist David, after being promised the throne, found himself in the wilderness running for his life. He had a few whys as recorded for us in the Psalms;

O LORD, why do you stand so far away?
Why do you hide when I am in trouble?

My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?
Why are you so far away when I groan for help?

Why have you tossed me aside?
Why must I wander around in grief,

O LORD, why do you reject me?
Why do you turn your face from me?

I have had my own whys-why divorce? Why disease? Why did I lose the business? Why God can’t I hear your voice when I desperately seek you? We all have unresolved whys in our lives. To follow God blindly without having questions is unrealistic. But trusting God in the valley of the shadows of death when we don’t understand requires a relationship with Him that can’t be forged just in the easy times. We are purified through fire. We are strongest when we are at the end of human reason and ability. And we are best able to offer comfort when we have been comforted in our own times of why.

I can’t answer in a thousand words or less a question that has been posed by much holier men and women than me for thousands of years. If I could I would be in high demand like Bruce Almighty. I have reconciled in my heart that I will most likely go to my grave having most of my whys for God unanswered.  But I also know that on that day when all things are revealed and the mysteries of faith resolved, it won’t be as important as it seems to be now. God is faithful, just and good and He loves us with an everlasting love, having pardoned our sins through the death and resurrection of His son so that we might inherit eternal life, which may be the biggest why of all.

 

 

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But I just Hate Going to the Gym

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When I turned fifty my wife surprised me with a trip to Hawaii, a place I always wanted to visit.  As you might expect we took many photos as it was the first visit for both of us.  Upon our return we couldn’t wait to go through the pictures we had taken. I wasn’t impressed with many of them that I was in. My initial response was “honey, who’s the fat guy you’re with?”  I knew I was out of shape compared to my earlier athletic years, but photos show what mirrors don’t-reality! I was embarrassed.

There is an epidemic of laziness and lethargy in our country. The U.S. boasts some of the best Medical Schools and facilities in the world. Regardless of your opinion of our current healthcare system, most anyone can find treatment for their ailments.  The F.D.A. has stepped in to inform all consumers of the dangers of the foods they consume.  We know what foods contain the highest levels fat and calories, which foods can elevate our cholesterol and blood sugars, which foods can lead to heart issues and even which ones have known carcinogens in them. As a food loving society, we can not plead ignorant to what we consume. Nor can we hide behind the veil of ignorance when it comes to daily exercise. And yet with all this publicized knowledge the U.S. consistently ranks low in the overall world health reviews. Forever we were the most obese nation in the world with over 30% of all citizens being obese-we are still #2! We rank higher on all preventable illnesses, including heart disease, diabetes, COPD and cancers due to smoking and UV exposure. We know, what to do, or what not to do, but like the Apostle Paul, we do just the opposite. 

Each year as I observe the mass rush to local churches for Easter I am compelled to draw the same comparisons to the overall spiritual health of our country and the Christian church in general. We live in perhaps the most religiously tolerant country in the world.

We have the freedom to express our worship and live out our faith to the unlimited degree we desire, or not. Unlike many world countries, the U.S. has more than 450,000 churches, temples or synagogues to choose from. There is no shortage of facilities available for spiritual fitness.  There are radio formats and cable television stations broadcasting daily in most US cities. Bible sales as well as phone and computer apps are profitable ventures, and even Hollywood is starting to cash in on the religious demographic, so that our senses are constantly aware of the spiritual realm. 

But on Easter Sunday, churches prepare for the largest service of the year, some even scheduling multiple services to accommodate all those who will show up for their annual pilgrimage to a house of worship.  Thank God for every person who pulls themselves away from the sofa to attend church on Easter Sunday. But the very next Sunday churches are back to half capacity.  What are we doing to enhance our spiritual fitness the other 51 weeks of the year?  Why are we, especially of the faith, less than zealous to be in service early enough to get a good seat and not miss anything? Where is the local church marketing and evangelism team when it is not Easter or Christmas? Why are many churches closing their doors due to reduced attendance and consequential funding instead of fighting for the fitness of their entire congregation?

There is little urgency in the body of Christ for the same reasons there is little concern over our physical health. If we aren’t sick, haven’t had a stroke or heart attack, haven’t yet developed diabetes or coughed up a lung, we assume all on the inside is well, and why fix something that isn’t broken on the outside. We will get to the gym when we get that first bad medical report.  We have heard all our lives that Christ will return, but it hasn’t happened in over 2000 years, so what’s the rush. We will find our way to church when we lose our job or when we suffer through a nasty divorce or when we have some serious crisis that is bigger than our daily routine. We will exercise our unique religious freedoms by going to church when we feel like it. We will continue to treat our spiritual health on a symptomatic basis, when a pain arises or for an annual checkup.

However the comparisons between our physical and spiritual fitness only go so far.  There is a unique difference that many fail to acknowledge.  Our physical bodies are deteriorating every day toward an eventual physical death, no matter how hard you fought to stay in shape and apply your knowledge of physical fitness.  Our spiritual being, however, goes on into eternity after physical death, in the state and level of fitness you maintained during your lifetime.  Those things we do now to enhance our spiritual fitness, or those ways we simply ignore it, will last an eternity.

When I finally realized the seriousness of my lethargic lifestyle I forced myself to head for the gym at least 3 times each week. While I am not big into repetitive exercise, being around a group of people all there for the same purpose, I felt encouraged to push on and increase my level of activity and stretch myself beyond my current limitations. Might I suggest the same dynamic happens when we attend church with fellow believers. Going to church to worship is only half of our purpose.  According to scripture we are to be there to encourage and be encouraged, to motivate and exhort each other to greater levels of spiritual fitness, something that can’t be done by watching your favorite TV evangelist from the comfort of your sofa by yourself. How many time this week have your worked on your physical and spiritual fitness levels?

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When There Are No Words

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Have you ever been in a situation when you were at an absolute loss for words? Perhaps it was when you saw your child in their first school or church play, or maybe their first musical recital.  Maybe you were left speechless when friends threw a surprise party for you.  With most of us there have been occasions in our lives when words simply escaped us. For me it was the moment I realized how in love I was with the lady who would soon be my wife. I have always loved writing and thought I possessed a fair mastery of the English vernacular, that is until I tried to put into words the depth of emotions  I was feeling for her. Yes, I wrote her a poem or two-even had one of them published in a poetry anthology. But even with that, I still felt I could not come up with adequate words to express my love for her.   After seventeen years of marriage I am only more aware of this observation.

As much as I love my wife, imagine with me if you can how much more of a challenge I have in approaching God.  There are no words to describe the challenge of having no words!  After all, one can’t even describe God.  When He sent Moses to rescue the children of Israel, Moses asked Him “who should I tell them is sending me?”  God replied “tell them my name is I Am”.  I almost believe even God couldn’t describe Himself in a way that we would understand.  I Am pretty much covers it all with an infinite number of fill-in-the-blank descriptions.   There are no textbook definitions that are remotely adequate to express the person and deity of God.

So if we can’t even find words to describe God, then how can we possibly find words to express our loving response to an indescribable God? It can’t be done. There are no words. Oh many have tried-the writings of the early church fathers are masterful and the hymns written over the centuries have moved us to tears when reflecting on all we know and don’t know about God.  Yet all who have tried have come up short in their attempts.  The created can’t capture in human language the Creator.

When you are with someone you truly love there are those times when just being in their presence is enough. Love is shared and expressed at times when words would get in the way. How cool is it that we can approach God with the confidence of knowing the same holds true for us. In our intimate prayer or reflection time with God we can be assured that God sees our hearts and knows our deepest thoughts so that are linguistic inadequacies are not an issue. We are told in scripture that there are times when His spirit in us prays for us in groans that need no words. There is dialogue between our inner spirit and God’s heart that we wouldn’t understand even if it were somehow audible.  Thou shouldest not have need of  expressing thyself to the Almighty with Shakespearean prose thou canst comprehend or a language thou knoweth not of!

With people we may feel at a loss in trying to relay to them the depths of our emotions, but with God, there is no shortage of understanding even when there are no words.

Father, let my words be few.