I have always struggled with the concept of side chicks. The Urban dictionary defines a side chick as someone who is not the wife or girlfriend, but in some sort of a relationship with someone who is in a relationship with someone else-a mistress, to simplify things. It seems to be an acceptable and common practice in some circles. As I research the subject I am floored by how much information is available on being a side chick. Wikihow even has an article listing fourteen ways to become a better side chick! Some links describe what a side chick should expect or ways to keep expectations limited to avoid getting hurt. Some even go as far to question if having a side chick makes a husband better! What am I missing?
There are at least two glaring issues with this concept. The first and most obvious is the issue of loyalty or fidelity. Before I go there, yes, I know that adultery goes back to Biblical days. I am fully aware of the stories of King David, Solomon’s concubines and polygamous relationships. But one must be very careful to use Old Testament stories to justify modern day trends-it can become a treacherous and slippery slope as it opens up all kinds of behavior that has since been deemed unacceptable. The ideal of a monogamous relationship should be protected as sacred. It is impossible for two to become one if one of them is already one with someone else. When scripture speaks of the strength of three cords, it isn’t condoning polygamy. Speaking from the perspective of a Christian man, the wife God gives you should be cherished and honored as the only possession greater than your life. There is no just cause to seek pleasure, whether sexual or emotional, outside of the marriage. There is no over riding man code that compels us to hunt and gather to the point of defending infidelity and unfaithfulness. To say it’s just what a man does is total bull and a copout. Let’s at least be honest in calling it what it is. If you are in a relationship with someone other than your spouse, it is adultery. Jesus had very strong words regarding this subject.
The second issue deals with the actual side chick. I am always puzzled as to why women or anyone would settle for anything less than a loving, committed relationship. I struggle with understanding why someone would find it acceptable to be the number two option, the secret lover, the one who gets his body but will never have his heart or the benefits of his devotion. Have self-esteems been lowered to a point that any affection is better than no affection, or that physical intimacy can serve as a reasonable facsimile to the real thing? God created women to be the equal partner and helper to the man, not a subservient asset who is to respond to his beckoning needs. She is deserving and should expect the same level of love, of praise, of adoration as her male counterpart. Why on earth would any woman, outside of maybe rock groupies, ever settle for such a shallow, demeaning situation that will only serve to leave her wanting from the shadows-always hungry but never full, wanting love but settling for sex. I just don’t get it.
In my book, Sex Begins in the Kitchen, I attempt to describe the beauty of the marital relationship as intended by our Creator. I describe it as an equal partnership between two people fully, lovingly and exclusively committed to each other and the mutual benefits that result from doing it the right way. I messed it up more than once in my two marriages, but I can honestly state I never had a side chick or any affair. Honesty and integrity should not be foreign concepts. There is no real justification for unfaithfulness. The best relationships, and the ones that last, understand this. Relationships are hard enough for two committed people without the distractions of adding extra people into the equation.
This leads me to my last point. Can you have spiritual side chicks? That is to say are there things that cause infidelity in our relationship with God? We read that one of the first commands given was to have no other gods or idols. Idols are not always tangible items such as statues or other hand-made images. An idol, or if you will, a side chick, can be anything that takes away from your loyalty and commitment to the relationship God wants with each of us. We, the body of believers, or the church, are described as the bride of Christ. As such there is an implied exclusive devotion to him and no other. The New Testament lists several “side chicks” that lead to idolatry with warnings of the potential outcome if we continue on with these spiritual polygamous affairs before God. What is even more dangerous is when these distractions become so dominating that they replace God in such a way that God becomes the side chick.
We are imperfect, broken people. We can’t live perfectly holy lives. If we could there would have been no need for Christ. However we are called to be loyal servants. In marriage, in relationships and in our faith there should exist within us a desire to be wholly faithful, needing and seeking nothing more outside of our relationships with each other and with God. He always takes us back when we stray. Our mates deserve the same level of commitment. There should be nothing on the side except the fries you order with your Big Mac. Blessings!